What hierarchy of values should a Christian family man or woman have? What should come first, second, and third? #

First and foremost, there must be a hierarchy. This is not about establishing equal rights in decision-making, where the husband and wife have equal say in family matters, or where a child’s voice is equal to that of an adult family member, as modern Western ideologies often propose. Rather, it is about hierarchy. God has designed the most stable and enduring systems in our world to have a hierarchical structure. While all are equal before God and equal in the pursuit of salvation—where “there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28)—human communities, such as the family, the state, and even the Church (comprising both its earthly and heavenly parts), are structured hierarchically. Even in the Kingdom of Heaven, we observe hierarchy.

What should the hierarchy in the family look like? The Apostle Paul provides the answer:

“The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”
(1 Corinthians 11:3)
“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.”
(Ephesians 5:23)

The family is a small church, and its relationships should mirror those of the Church. The cornerstone of family values must be love, as it is the foundation of all strong relationships. Love itself is hierarchical. Christ taught that the two greatest commandments are the love of God and the love of one’s neighbor. Therefore, the foremost value for the family as a whole and for each individual member must be love for God. The second most important value, after love for God, is love and care for one’s family—for the husband toward his wife, for the wife toward her husband and children. Love for one another is the practical fulfillment of the commandment to love one’s neighbor.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
(Ephesians 5:25)
“Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
(Ephesians 5:33)

If the husband loves his wife as he loves himself, the wife will indeed revere him, just as we revere God—not out of fear of punishment but out of a desire not to grieve our Heavenly Father. Similarly, the wife will fear disappointing and losing her loving husband. Genuine, harmonious relationships within a family develop naturally when there is love among its members. Such relationships do not need detailed explanations or artificial frameworks. Instead, family members grow accustomed to each other, like a well-oiled machine in which love serves as the lubricant.

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
(1 Timothy 5:8)
“For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children.”
(2 Corinthians 12:14)
“And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
(Colossians 3:17–21)

— Priest Evgeny Gureev.