On Children’s Confession #
How can a child be prepared for confession?
To answer this question, we have gathered advice from several priests:
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For the most part, the work of preparing a child for their first confessions falls to the parents. This preparation begins primarily with personal example—when parents themselves regularly take part in the sacraments of Confession and Communion, and the child hears them praying, sees them fasting, and reading spiritual books.
Preparing children for confession is also a call for parents and godparents to take a closer look at their own spiritual lives…
One reason children drift away from the Church as they grow older is because they are “drilled” in prayer and the sacraments, but they do not see in their parents a personal relationship with God. When everything is reduced to mere rule-following—fasting, attending Sunday services, etc.—and there is no joy in life in Christ…
Or when parents make no effort to work on their own sins, and there are no healthy, harmonious relationships within the family…
Parents must be united in their approach. If one lets the child go to a hobby group on Sunday while the other insists on church, this creates inner conflict and can damage the child’s psyche.
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Children’s imagination is more developed than their logic. Therefore, it’s best to explain what sin is and what types of sin there are by using visual imagery, illustrations, parables, and so on.
You can prepare a selection of materials on the passions (such as resentment, pride, cruelty), and over several days discuss each topic with the child. This will help them identify whether and to what degree that sin applies to them—or, thankfully, does not.
To make self-examination easier, the child can be encouraged to write down their sins on a piece of paper.
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In preparing for confession, it is important not only to help the child recognize their sins, but also to encourage them to acquire virtue—especially the habit of prayer, without which a full spiritual life is impossible.
Children are capable of understanding God as their Heavenly Parent, so it is easy to explain that prayer is living communication with Him. Just as a child needs to speak with their father and mother, they also need to speak with God in prayer.
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There are certain prayers that children should ideally learn by heart from an early age: The Jesus Prayer, Our Father, Virgin God-bearer, rejoice, The Creed, Psalm 50 (“Have mercy upon me, O God”), Psalm 90 (“He that dwelleth in the help of the Most High”)…
One should begin with a little, and gradually increase as the child grows older.
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It is desirable for the child to form a personal, trusting relationship with the priest. This comes through interaction outside of the service—starting from Sunday school and shared meals, and extending to trips, pilgrimages, and similar activities.
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Before confession, it is best to arrange a time with the priest in advance. A child’s first confession requires special attention and care.
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Children are generally admitted to confession from the age of 7. However, preparation for confession should begin as soon as the child’s self-awareness begins to form.
In other words, a child should begin learning to listen to their conscience from the earliest age—not waiting until the formal age of confession, but already now learning to say, “Forgive me”—to parents, to friends, to a sibling. And most importantly, to God.
Once again, it is crucial that this practice be something the child sees lived out by their parents and older siblings.
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As children grow, it is important to teach them that Communion is the Body and Blood of Christ. It is absolutely inappropriate to soothe a crying child before Communion with phrases like: “Don’t be afraid, Father will give you a treat”… This forms a false understanding and attitude toward the Holy Mysteries.
It is very important not to turn Communion into a weekly routine, where children run about and come to the Chalice without really thinking about what they are doing. And if you see that your child is being fussy or behaving in an unruly way in church—it may be better not to bring them to the Chalice at all. Let them learn that one cannot approach Communion in just any state of mind or heart.
It is better that your child receive Communion a bit less often than you would like, but understand why he or she comes to church. It is important that parents do not begin to treat their child’s Communion as some kind of magic, handing over to God the responsibilities they should fulfill themselves.
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The most pedagogically sound approach is to instill in children the understanding that attending the Liturgy and receiving Communion is not an obligation, but a PRIVILEGE—to be adopted as sons and daughters of the Heavenly Father through the Flesh and Blood of the Son of God. No galaxy can contain God, yet the human heart can contain Him. Only—it must be prepared to receive Him. And that requires effort and work upon oneself…
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The worse a child behaves during the service, the more often and the longer he needs to be present in church. If you are always bringing him just fifteen minutes before Communion, it is unlikely he will ever begin to change.
Much of a child’s ability to stand reverently in prayer at church also depends on the degree to which prayer is already part of the family’s daily life at home…
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One must not forget that the atmosphere of a church-centered family stands in direct opposition to the thoroughly non-Christian environment of school, television, and the Internet. His peers live by entirely different values. And not every growing child, even if he truly possesses a good and sincere religious disposition, has friends of like spirit.
The way to protect him from the unhealthy influence of the secular world is by cultivating in him a healthy critical thinking and developing an inner sense of freedom. Children should be encouraged to love good reading, and to talk about life, its meaning, and the world around them—giving them regular “doses” of spiritual antidote. Discuss with your children the meaning of a song they heard, a book they read, or a character’s behavior in a film or story…
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And of course, parents must carry the labor of prayer for their children. It is not enough to speak to children about God—we must also speak to God about our children.
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As for fasting—again, a child’s readiness for it depends largely on the example set by the parents. It is very important that fasting not be reduced to mere disciplinary demands, nor perceived as something gloomy and tasteless—in every sense of the word.
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A child’s first Confession with Communion should be marked in a special way, so that it becomes a memorable event—a true celebration. You can dress the child more festively, prepare something special for them, or do something similar to make the day stand out.