Instruction Before Confession #

“Repent ye: for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand” (Matthew 4:17).

Our earthly life—its purpose and meaning—is a preparation for Eternal Life. What awaits us beyond depends entirely on how we live here: either we shall become co-heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven, or we shall perish, cast into the outer darkness prepared for the devil and his servants.

Throughout the days of his life, man is tossed about in the cares of this world. Amid daily bustle, he forgets how swiftly the time of life passes—like a dream, like a flower. Life shortens with each passing moment, and the end of our earthly path draws ever nearer. And while the fearful moment of our soul’s passage into eternity has not yet come, let us cleanse it of its burden of sins through Confession before our spiritual father—a priest of God, a shepherd of Christ’s Church.

The most fitting time to cleanse the soul from sinful defilement is during the holy fasts—those days when Christians especially intensify prayer and abstain from food.

Every sin, even the smallest, separates a person from God. And to restore the sinner to Himself, the Lord established the saving sacrament of Repentance.

The culmination of inward repentance—of remorse for sins committed—is confession aloud before God (in the presence of the Gospel and the Cross) and one’s spiritual father. For every Christian, frequent Confession and Communion of the Holy Mysteries are essential. He who comes to Confession without firm resolve to amend his ways, or who hides sins out of shame, must know that such a Confession is invalid and even offensive to God. He who conceals his sin commits a double sin. Yet at Confession, the more deeply one feels shame for one’s sins, the more healing and salvific it is.

Contrition and tears over sins are an inseparable part of Confession. Signs of the absence of true contrition include: when one speaks of sins shamelessly, as though recounting ordinary matters; when one justifies his actions or shifts the blame onto others.

Some suppose their sins to be so great that repentance is hopeless. But let us not forget: it is the Almighty God Himself who receives our repentance—and He is able to forgive even the gravest of sins. Many Christians carry so-called “unconfessed sins” for years, perhaps for their entire lives. Sometimes they wish to confess them to their spiritual father but are too ashamed to speak—and so the years pass. Meanwhile, these sins weigh constantly upon the soul, preparing it for eternal condemnation. How joyous is the soul when a person at last truly confesses all his sins! The festering sore bursts, and the soul finds spiritual relief and healing. One ought to fear above all unrepented and unconfessed sins! Our life is but a vapor: today we live, tomorrow we may depart from this world. And where then shall we hide our sins? They are like a debt that is ever felt and always burdens the conscience. But when we confess them to our spiritual father, the heart becomes light—so very light.

How many tears are needed to mourn the multitude of our sins! Once, a disciple asked the venerable elder Abba Dioscorus, who was always weeping, “Why do you weep?” The elder replied, “I weep over my sins, my child.” The disciple objected, “But you have no sins, Father.” The elder said, “I assure you, my son, if I could truly see my sins, four men would not be enough to weep over them with me.” St. John Chrysostom says to the one who is sorrowful for his sins: “Do not simply cry outwardly or for appearance’s sake—weep bitterly, as did Peter the Apostle. Draw forth streams of tears from the very depths of your soul, that the Lord, moved with mercy, may forgive you your trespasses. The merciful Lord asks little labor of you, but gives much. He waits only for an occasion to bestow upon you the treasure of salvation. Offer Him your tears, and He will grant you forgiveness.”

In preparing for Confession, it is essential to be reconciled with your neighbor and to forgive one another’s trespasses.

In the prayer “Our Father,” we ask the Lord: “And forgive us our debts (sins), as we forgive our debtors.” Therefore, if we do not forgive those who have wronged us, it means we are asking the Lord not to forgive us either: “…as we forgive…” We must always remember the words of our Savior Christ: “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar” (the gift at the altar here signifies our desire to pray in church, to light a candle, to have the Liturgy served, etc.), “and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift” (Matthew 5:23–24). And to Peter’s question, “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?” Christ replied, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21–22)—meaning we must always forgive.

What does mutual forgiveness mean? #

To forgive someone who has harmed us means to treat him as if he had done us no wrong, to renounce all thought of revenge, to consign everything that happened to complete forgetfulness, and to nourish kind feelings toward him.

And to ask forgiveness of someone whom we have wronged means sincerely acknowledging our fault, repenting before him with an open heart, and asking him to forget the offense and grief we caused.

It may seem that nothing is simpler than forgiving another or asking forgiveness. It requires neither much time, nor physical strength, nor material means.

Yet how often the malice that has taken root in the heart raises insurmountable barriers to mutual forgiveness. While it may be easy to say the words of forgiveness without sincerity, it is exceedingly difficult to forgive genuinely, from the depths of the heart. Some will ask forgiveness from those with whom they have never quarreled, while avoiding those with whom they are truly at odds. Worse still, some go so far in their hypocrisy as to say to one they have offended: “Forgive me, I was wrong!”—while inwardly continuing to believe they were right and the other was at fault. Such a person, having formally performed the ritual of forgiveness, lies before both God and man, for he does not in truth eradicate the source of enmity.

How, then, can one break pride and overcome self-love? #

First and foremost, by taking to heart this thought: that all the insults and offenses others cause us are vanishingly small compared to our guilt before God, whom we daily and hourly offend with our sins. Let us remember the parable told by the Savior about the king who wished to settle accounts with his servants (Matthew 18:23–35). And yet, the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing beforehand the full multitude of our sins, did not hate us. He suffered for these very sins, and as He hung upon the Cross, He prayed to the Heavenly Father not only for His executioners, but for all of us, who through our sins wound His heart and, as it were, crucify Him anew.

Each of us remembers that when we treated others sincerely and kindly, we often received sincerity and kindness in return. But if we were deceitful or hostile, we received the same back. Thus, the matter lies within ourselves. If yesterday our relationships with others were good, and today they are ruined, we must first search within ourselves: what did I do wrong to cause this change? In breaking that relationship, I not only sinned myself, but also led my former friend into sin, stirring his heart to bear ill-will toward me. Therefore, I am truly the greater sinner, and it is I who must first ask forgiveness.

A Christian’s conscience testifies that he sins daily—and often with grievous sins. We sin knowingly and unknowingly, often not even realizing our guilt.

Before Confession, it is very important to remember and weep over our sins. To that end, we must strengthen our prayer and fasting and read the teachings of the holy Fathers on repentance.

Through a careful examination of our life, we may uncover many sinful passions—from which the holy sacrament of Repentance cleanses us.

It sometimes happens that, during Confession, a person begins to justify himself in everything—explaining his fall into sin as being caused by other people, illnesses, infirmities, or temptations from the evil one. But such self-justification is not genuine repentance. One must be able to bring oneself to self-accusation and stir within the heart a sense of guilt before God and before others. Let us always remember: for every sin we commit, the responsibility before God is ours alone. God has given man free will. If we sin, the guilt lies with us—and with no one else. Therefore, under no circumstances should we at Confession lay the blame for our sins upon the devil, upon other people, or upon external circumstances. The Lord will forgive our sins only if we sincerely accept full responsibility for them and fulfill the penance (epitimia) that is assigned to us.

Let your Confession be filled with sorrow that you have offended God; shame, that you have let yourself fall so far into spiritual disorder. Let your soul burn in the fire of this shame for your sins—the more it burns, the more it is saved. One must stir up such grief over sin that sin becomes repulsive to the soul and it turns away from it.

One must not postpone Repentance, for by cleansing the soul through holy Confession, we remove it from the darkness of sin. But an unconfessed sin clouds the soul, and the accumulation of sins muffles the voice of conscience and makes the soul less capable of true repentance.

Since our memory often fails us, those who write down their sins are doing well. As for those sins which, despite your best effort, you cannot remember—do not be anxious that they will not be forgiven. Simply have a sincere desire to repent of everything, and with tears ask the Lord to forgive you all your sins—both those you remember and those you do not. And if you remember something after your Confession, be sure to confess it at your next opportunity.

Sin is a more dangerous and destructive disease than all bodily illnesses. Bodily illness threatens only a person’s temporal life, but the sores of sin destroy the soul, lead to eternal death, and cast it down into the depths of hell, condemning it to unending torment. To avoid sin, one must overcome its allure, and subdue both bodily and spiritual passions. (A passion is a strong inclination toward sin.) Bodily passions are cut off through moderation in fulfilling natural needs and through fasting. Spiritual passions are uprooted by humility, meekness, mercy, love, long-suffering, and other Christian virtues.

The path to God and to Heaven is the path of difficult struggle—of doing good for the glory of God, for the salvation of one’s soul, and for the benefit of others. No one ascends to Heaven while living on earth in laziness and sin. Therefore, always and in everything, it is necessary to keep one’s thoughts and actions under the watch of the conscience, and to strive never to defile the immortal soul through sin.

For true repentance, it is necessary to replace sinful habits with their opposite—good and salvific ones. For example, if someone has grown accustomed to idle talk, let him train himself henceforth to restrain his tongue from slander and use words only for what is helpful and necessary, and let him pray as much as possible. Let us remember that envy is overcome by love, avarice is destroyed by almsgiving, lust is eradicated by chastity, gluttony is restrained by fasting, and despondency is driven out by prayer. St. John Chrysostom says: “If you, for instance, have stolen another’s property—then give even of your own. If you long lived in fornication—then now abstain even from lawful relations with your wife on appointed days and train yourself in self-restraint. Have you insulted and harmed others?—now bless those who wrong you. If you were once indulgent in sensual pleasures and drunkenness—now fast and drink only water. If you once cast lustful glances at beautiful women—then henceforth do not look at them at all.” St. Basil the Great teaches the same: “You cursed?—now bless. You extorted?—now give. You were drunk?—now fast. You were proud?—now humble yourself. You envied?—let it go.”

Those who have repented worthily, as judged by their spiritual father, are permitted to receive the Holy Mysteries. The sacrament of Holy Communion, following sincere Repentance, grants great spiritual strength. Through this Mystery, we become heirs of Eternal Life and receive strength from God to live according to His law and to fulfill His will. But whoever approaches Communion without having prepared himself through fasting, prayer, and heartfelt Confession—though he may commune a thousand times of the Body and Blood of Christ, and eat no other food but that Divine Meal—he will not have Christ dwelling in him, nor will he himself be in Christ.

If a Christian sincerely confesses his sins to his spiritual father and worthily partakes of the Holy Mysteries—the Body and Blood of Christ—and afterward dies soon, without having fallen into any mortal and grievous sin, then the soul of such a person does not pass through the toll-houses, but immediately enters into the eternally blessed life with the saints who have pleased God.

And one must never forget that for a Christian, the greatest misfortune is to deprive one’s soul of the holy sacraments of Confession and Communion. The holy Fathers often remind us of this in their teachings and call us to spend our brief earthly life in repentance and piety, and to draw near to the saving Chalice with worthiness. In the Holy Gospel, we hear the Lord’s instruction to His disciples (and to all pastors of the Church): “Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 18:18).

For this reason, the book Zlatoust (Chrysostom) teaches us: “Priests must bind those who confess their sins—that is, impose penance upon them, with discernment, as a punishment for the cleansing of their sins. But if any priest omits this through negligence or favoritism, he is not a shepherd but a destroyer; for if he does not bind the one who repents with penance, then he delivers his soul to eternal torment…

If a priest gives no penance to those who have confessed their sins, and forgives them of his own will, then he will receive the same condemnation from God… For Scripture says: ‘If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.’

But if someone will not obey his spiritual father and does not strive toward God in repentance for his sins, he will not receive forgiveness” (Sermon for the 27th Sunday).

It should also always be remembered that even “he who lives in purity and repentance, but does not partake of the Mysteries of Christ, cannot be saved. For the Lord said: ‘He that eateth My Flesh and drinketh My Blood dwelleth in Me, and I in him’” (Zlatoust, sermon for the 5th Sunday of the Fast). This is indeed true!

Therefore, in order to receive forgiveness of sins from God at Confession through the spiritual father, we must:

1. Sincerely and permanently reconcile with all and forgive—both those whom we have offended or insulted, and those who have offended us;

2. Confess all our sins before our spiritual father, taking the full blame upon ourselves before God and men;

3. Have a firm resolve to correct our life and sin no more;

4. Without fail, fulfill the penance and other instructions given by our spiritual father (penance should be daily—in the form of prostrations, full or half-bows—from Confession to Confession, and for one’s entire life). Amen!

Penance (epitimia)—according to the definition of the holy Fathers—is a punishment established by sacred canons, or more accurately, a spiritual remedy appropriate to the sickness—that is, to sin (Canon 102 of the Sixth Ecumenical Council). Therefore, we need this remedy daily, as it heals our many spiritual illnesses, strengthens us to remember our transgressions, and equips us to resist them in the future.

In our times, it is especially important to know and remember the teaching of the holy Fathers (Basil the Great, John Chrysostom, and others), that repentance without observance of the fasts is invalid. This must be kept in mind by both those who confess and those who are confessed.

One final note. The teaching of the Holy Church instructs and warns both spiritual fathers and spiritual children with the following: “Those who fulfill the penance of repentance—count them as spiritual sons; but those who do not, reject them, lest you yourself (the spiritual father) perish along with them, becoming a partaker in another’s sins” (Nomocanon, Canons 186 and 188; Basil the Great, Canons 84 and 85).

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